The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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