You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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