After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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