btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
