Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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