I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
