also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
