i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
