do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
