I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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