he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
