Someone shit on the floor
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
