apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Randomize
