Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If i come over, it means nothing
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
