good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I cut my penus on the lid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
