im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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