Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
