i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
