just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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