Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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