I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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