i think i have two assholes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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