the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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