Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
