I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
