In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
