Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
