is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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