you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
