when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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