I don't remember. Are we still dating?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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