I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
