Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
