i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
