Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
