# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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