Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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