Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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