God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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