she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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