He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
