He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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