Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
