i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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