I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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