Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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