I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
