This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
