What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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