I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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