A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
