I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
