Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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