Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
