I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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