Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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