you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
