watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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