Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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