If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
