Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
