Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i dont even know how to be here
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
