Already got asked if we're dating
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
