if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
